Waiting, waiting
by jazztrousers
Summary: Is it best to hold out on sex until you're sure it's the right person?


Dammit, kid, since that day at the academy when Rukia told me she was leaving, I promised myself that I'd never get attached to anyone- to never _need_ anyone- ever again. So I trained and hardened myself until I was self-sufficient. Just me, _just Renji_, with no-one else.  
>But you... You little bastard. You little <em>fucker<em>, Ichigo. Making me need you like this. Making me... making me _want_you like this.

Right now you're lying flat on your back, underneath me, with no shirt on, wriggling and arching and squirming 'cuz my tongue is in your ear and my teeth are pinching your lobes and you fucking love it. My shirt is off too, and your skinny hands are roaming all over my chest, stroking and outlining my muscles, tracing my tattoos with your fingers in that way you do. We're both hard and we can both feel it, but because you're a little asshole, our pants are staying on this time. And I get it, I really do, I understand why you don't want to do it this time, but_fuck,_ if you carry on the way you are, with all those little moans and whimpers I sincerely don't know if I'll be able to control myself. I might just come in my pants. Or tie you to the bed again and assault you. But I can't do that, because you want it to be "special". You want us to just "be sweet together" and not fuck. You want to know if my feelings for you are genuine, or if I'm just going to use you and leave you once I'm done with you. That hurts my feelings, Ichigo. But I get it. So I'll go along with it. For now. But you need to stop sucking my goddamn fingers, or they're going in your ass- I'm warning you, kid.

Our first time wasn't exactly _sweet_, I'll give ya that. We were both nervous and therefore also drunk as hell, but holy fucking hell was it hot. I stripped you and bit you and licked you all over, I flipped you over and fucked you in every direction, I tied your wrists to the bedposts using one of your neckties- jesus GOD, man!- and you howled and clawed at my back and whimpered my name and begged me for more, begged me to fuck you more, harder, deeper, faster, even though you'd never had anything more than a finger in your ass before, you little slut. Then afterwards we collapsed next to eachother on my futon in my barracks, and just lay there, panting and grinning at eachother, sharing a cigarette even though you'd never had one of those either.

So now we're just taking it slow. Well, as slow as the two of us can manage. For someone whose mouth keeps saying "no", your body sure is screaming "yes" at me. I kiss your stomach and rub my nose along your soft, sweet skin, my hair undone and spilling all over your stomach, tickling at my nose and getting in my mouth, but I leave it where it is, for you, because I know you love it. You're running your fingers through it, twisting a strand between your fingertips, grabbing it in fistfuls and when you tug on it I pant hot air onto your belly, making you shiver. I kiss and lick and chew my way lower, towards the waistband of your jeans, and your grip in my hair tightens and you start to groan "No... No, Renji, don't..." so I don't go any further, but I keep tonguing your abdomen and pecking your muscles with pouted lips. I slide up your body and sling a leg between your thighs, and begin to rock and sway my hips so your cock's rubbing against me, and you say "No.." again, but your hips move too, and your face twists and strains, first in slack-jawed bliss then into a pouting, silent "oooh", then you bite your lip and keen and twitch your pelvis beneath me, and it's too fucking much and I grab your belt buckle again and try to undo your jeans.

You back away from my touch and shift out from underneath me so you're lying next to me on your side, and you kiss me. Your lips are warm and wet, and you taste of something sweet but spicy. Now you're clambering on top of me, long limbs poised and crouched around me, and you start kissing my chest, down and down and I can practically feel you taking my dick in that hot little mouth of yours, but you stop and pull away, and I feel cool air across my lower abdomen. I open my eyes and look down to see you pulling on the waistband of _my_ jeans, presumably to gawp at my tattoos. But it does just kinda look like you're looking down my pants, trying to get a peek at the head of my cock poking out of my boxers, and that isn't fucking fair, you little fucking tease.  
>"What're ya doin'?" My voice is a lot lower and more crackly than I was expecting. So worked up. So <em>hot, fuck<em> it's hot in here.  
>You're barely listening to me. "Just wanted.. to look.."<br>I give a hearty chuckle and say, "Yeah, well, I don't know how you do things in the world of the living, but where I come from ya can't just go around lookin' down people's pants. It's kinda rude."  
>Now you're mad, and it's hilarious. "Listen, <em>you're<em> the one that wants to fuck me so badly, so don't start making _me_ out to be the pervert here!"  
>The side of my mouth hooks into a sharp grin. "You're saying you <em>don't<em>wanna fuck me?" I pretend to think about this for a few minutes then add, "I don't believe you."  
>"Go fuck yourself!"<br>"Maybe I should, you little gay tease."  
>You punch me in the chest. This is too much fun. I continue, "Ooh, getting kinky with me are ya, Ichigo?"<br>Suddenly you look me dead in the eye and the mood changes, a ring of golden-yellow around your hugely dilated pupils. You're so damn beautiful, kid. It kills me. You address me again, but in a much softer, gentler tone, and implore, "Please, Renji. I want this too, and I know it's hard to stop now, but.. please. I want this to just be... nice."

Sighing, I shift my arms around your chest and rest my head on top of yours, resigning myself. Your body really is something else. I thought I got a pretty good look at ya that first night, but there are so many little things about you that I'm only just starting to notice. All your little downy hairs, your shiny scar tissue, the way your jaw clenches when you're thinking.. I feel like I've been allowed into a museum in the dead of night and they're letting me touch the paintings. You magnificent bastard, you're so fucking gorgeous and you probably don't even know. But I could tell you. I could tell you, and show you, and make you boxed lunches and wash your hair and... _fuck_. This was your plan all along, wasn't it? Dipping your toe in my water to see if I'd bite. Well, congratulations Ichigo, you win again.  
>I kiss you again, but softly this time, lots of tiny kisses onto your sugar-pink lips, and I smile as I do. You break the kiss and give me a few pecks on my jaw and cheek before whispering in my ear, "I promise it'll be worth the wait."<br>I laugh and smile. _It'd better be, or you- and your cute little ass- are going to pay for tonight._


End file.
